Abortion of a Demon

Pains of frustration,
aggervation - feelngs I can't describe
I think I am pregnant with a demon.

I feel it growing, turning,
churning it's lttle web inside me till
I'm all wrapped up so tight I can't break free.

I think of it and it make me sad,
then I this again and now I'm mad.

I should cut it out now
before it gets too big.

But it hears my thoughts and starts to biting
and fighting.
I wonder if I'm losing this war.

So I swallow hard and close my eyes -
praying so hard so the calm my nails cut
cut into my hands.

I will not - I won't do it!

I will do what is right.

Please

This moment, this time -
why can't I see?

This minut, right now -
I am not me.

Twisting, circles, cloudy in my head
I feel my bed, my body -
but I'm not inside my head.

I see snow and rain and people floating by
I feel the wind, the war - I hear the cries.

I cannot help it -
there is nothing I can do.
I am standing outside myself and of no
more use to you.

Tell me something real,
something happy, something small
Please, tell me something to just replace this all

Regret

Words.

Words without meaning
Words I cannot say
Words I don't dare to think
Words.

There is nothing you can do
Nothing you can say
Nothing left here, for me, of me.

Gone are the smiles
Gone are the soft, sweet whispers
Gone are the smells of home.

Forever will I regret you
Forever will I hate myself for not saying NO
Forever will I miss the person I used to be -
the person I thought I were.