No spare pieces.

So as I'm reading my current book "The Penny Tree" by Holly Kennedy, I come to end of chapter 14 and this is what I read - It was a day packed with emotion, a day filled with memories. Annie was twenty-three then, naive enough to think that she and Jack were invincible, and in love enough to believe they'd make it through anything life threw at them. She knew there would be highs and lows, but she was ready. We can handle it, she thought with confidence as she slid into her dress that day. We'll show everyone how it's done, this loving each other until death do us part...........That first night in Seattle, they toasted each other with paper cups of wine, surrounded by unpacked boxed and wrapped in the contented silence of two people who were excited about their future. Of course, what they didn't know then was that years later it would all be torn apart, wrapped in a different kind of silence, deafening proof that no relationship is invincible.

Now first, let me say that my blog will not be countless entries about divorce and failed relationship, but that is something I have gone through and from time to time when it weighs heavy on me I will have to let it out.
So anyways, it got me thinking how dangerous a thing love is.
How it blinds you from seeing things in people you don't want to believe is there;
How easily you can lose yourself in someone;
How without meaning to, you can alienate others to be closer to your love;
How much or yourself you give up to be the person they need or want you to be;
And how life and all the bad things in it happen without you being able to do anything about it.

So this is where I am now - not dwelling on the past, but trying to piece together things I lost and rebuilding a better me. I'm discovering I have so many disillusions about love and relationships. I've always thought of it kind of like a cheesy Lifetime movie that always has a happy ending.
I am looking forward to start dating again, but am pretty sure I'm not ready to "fall in love"
I don't want to meet my soul mate yet cause honestly, I think I would just screw it up.
I know that relationship take work and that not everything or everyday is perfect, but there are certain things I expect and know that I deserve. I also know that to truly love someone you have to be able to give up a piece of yourself and trust that person to hold it and protect it and treat it right, and I am just not ready to do that - sorry, but I don't have any spare pieces right now.